I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
