Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
