my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Less talking, more tequila
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
