dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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