I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Be still, my beating vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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