If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
