i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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