Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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