I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
