I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
