Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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