Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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