Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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