So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
