i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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