Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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