He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
