He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
