how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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