you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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