I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
