Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
