There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
