from now on my penis is your penis
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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