I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
