Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
