i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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