Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
