Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize