I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
