I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize