Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
