saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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