just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
