remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize