nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
