Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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