I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
