dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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