If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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