so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
someone owes me an orgasm
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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