Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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