Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
