So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
