did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
