Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
