She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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