Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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