is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
