My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
