i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
