Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
