one might say we're banned from that church
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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