Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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