Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He felt like a one man threesome
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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