If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
