if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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