what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
