Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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