Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize