p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
