I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
