8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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