how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
