So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Even my vagina gasped.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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