she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize