We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
