somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
