Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
