just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize