Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
